A Little Bit of Gay
I’m attracted to gay men. There. I said it. It’s not that I actively seek men whom I know are gay, but when I see an attractive man on the street—a double-take-worthy guy—I can almost bet if he thought of sleeping with me it would be because we were seated next to each other on an overnight flight to Milan and simultaneously took an Ambien.
I have horrific Gaydar. I am completely unaware that the handsome man I’m checking out would rather have a cavity filled than do the deed with me. I recently had a gay friend of mine tell me, “Honey, you’re always barking up the wrong tree.” He said this after I pointed to a gorgeous man seated near us in a restaurant. I somehow failed to notice he only had eyes for the equally impressive younger male seated next to him.
OK, I thought it might be his son.
Yes, I saw the mascara.
This is nothing new. I was STUNNED to find out Boy George was gay. I grooved to “Karma Chameleon” in 1983 and imagined dating him. Finally, someone who understood the importance of eyeliner! Yes, he wore dresses, but only the most confident man would.
I was even worse with George Michael. I had a huge fight with my late husband over George’s sexuality. A girl wants to believe those tight white jeans and “Choose Life” shirt are worn for her. I choose a life with you, George, I thought, the first time I saw him gyrate to “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.” Then there was the men’s restroom incident and, well, I let it go go.
I don’t want to stereotype but most of the best-dressed men I’ve met are gay. It was also a gay man who made me weak in the knees just from his scent. He understood the significance of layering fragrances. I’ve never smelled anyone so delicious.
The dating site I’m on provides potential matches based on a number of shared interests and characteristics. One recent match caught my attention right away because of his photos. I went to those first. One was a close-up of his face. There was no doubt he exfoliated and moisturized. His skin glowed. He also had perfect eyebrows and his teeth were white and straight. Teeth don’t get that straight on their own–they screamed Invisalign. The second photo was taken in what I am sure was his living room. It was so tastefully done that Nate Berkus would be jealous. The third was a shot in the kitchen. He was preparing something and the plates were colorfully decorated for a lovely presentation.
He was my kind of guy and I read his profile.
I’m bi. I’ve had great, intimate and lasting relationships with men and women. I am especially interested in meeting open-minded and compatible women through this site, and am open to the possibility of things evolving into a deeper or longer-term relationship.
OH MY GOD. How did they know?
A little further down he described his favorite things books, movies, etc.
Shows (Broadway)
Book of Mormon
Hairspray
Shows (TV)
Oz
The Big C
Modern Family
Cut it out. I like all those too.
I guess what I’m saying is I like a well-groomed man. Not a fan of the term, but Metrosexual is probably right. I’m hoping for a guy who doesn’t mind the occasional pedicure. Who would eliminate the unibrow. A man who uses hair products and a lint brush.
A straight guy with a little bit of gay.
Sebastian Update: We met for drinks. It was slightly awkward at first—we both came into the date with high expectations. Once we relaxed the evening was delightful. He was charming, funny and interesting. We plan to see each other again. Oh, and his accent rocks.
“Gay men are clean, well-dressed, have impeccable taste and smell good. If it weren’t for the sex, I could be gay.” Neal
“would rather have a cavity filled”…lol!! Would they ever!
I have highly honed “gaydar”. My boyfriend doesn’t even give off a slight blip. Yet he loves L’Occitane soaps and other foo foo products. He irons his shirts, pants and shorts tirelessly. He leaves me love notes every day, and he is still the manliest man I’ve ever met.
I’m a two-shower-a-day man (3 if I go to the gym twice), but more than one layer of smell? No, it’s acqua di gio all the way down. “Annoyingly ubiquitous.”
I was wrong; Sebastian sounds like a keeper. But awkward feelings at first? If you accept anything less than another Neal moment, aren’t you just settling? A Modigliani does not melt; a romantic does not settle.
Martin, thanks for your comment. I had one good date with Sebastian. If you’ve read the blog from the beginning you’ll find that I’ve had several good dates and then it didn’t work. I’m not thinking anything beyond the next date at this point. Layering works, if done correctly (I have no idea how it’s done). I’ve honestly never smelled anything so sublime. Modigliani is my favorite artist, btw.
From the sublime to the ridiculous… I read your reply while listening to testimony at the Anders Behring Breivik trial. Things fall apart…
So how do you feel about hair removal on a man? I dated a man who shaved his legs, downstairs, his armpits, and his chest. He wasn’t a very hairy guy to begin with but he really liked the shaved look. I liked it and was supportive of it, he just enjoyed being smooth. Which was fine by me because hair really kind of grosses me out.
Amber, thanks for your comment. I’m all for hair removal, especially if that’s what he likes. Nicely trimmed also works for me. Now, back hair? Wax it, immediately.
Hi Melani,
You really capture the essence of online dating from a woman’s perspective and with a fabulous sense of humor. I’m enjoying following the blog. I was introduced to it by your friend of yours actually. I’d love to hear back from you on my email.
I love hairless men. However, my tastes lean to a very natural man. Very clean, casual attire, no BO, maybe longer hair, and the almost undetectable smell of his skin drives me crazy! I need to meet another American Indian guy! Damn! I missed the pow wow last weekend, too! Might have been a good opp!
Stacie, I absolutely love longer hair and the smell of clean skin–amazing!
Ever since I came across your “Bare Down There” article in the HuffPo, I have been following your blog. I don’t know, reading what women write about shaving intrigues me. It is a process though, that needs constant attention because of the stubble factor. It also reminds me of the line in “It’s Complicated” where Alec Baldwin stated that he liked Meryl Streep “going native”. Anyway, I digress.
I, and pleasurably so, find your writing witty, insightful,self-depreciating and very humorous. I too tried on-line dating although my reasons were not nearly as tragic as yours. I am in my late 50′s. I’m youthful, fit, have 90% of my hair, tall and lean. I have been told I am good looking but my super-sized ego has assumed that characteristic my entire life! (But it’s flattering to hear anyway)
The longest relationship of my line just ended after 13 yrs. For the past 6, we did not live in the same house but managed to make it work anyway. Until my wife decided it didn’t because although i gave her my heart, she wanted my soul. And it was already taken. So after I came to terms with this, and knowing that I didn’t want to be alone I signed up on 3 different sites. As you may know, there are alot of very lonely people in the world. It’s very sad. Especially for those who have crude social skills, flawed personality traits and are burdened with less than (and I know I risk appearing superficial in saying this) but less than attractive physical characteristics.
When I wrote my profile I was extremely honest and wasn’t shy about my lustful nature. I also have a wide variety of interests, I am well-read and knowledgeable and I listed my interests and hobbies.
Anyway, I had 3 encounters. One was not in person. The first one had an element of surprise. She said she was a publisher and was very excited about meeting me. So I wrote back; in great detail and eager anticipation to meet with silence. A week past and I was leafing through a local lifestyle magazine and there she was. The publisher. I could not help but think that a person who publishes a lifestyle magazine that is oriented to the upper income professional must have 1000′s of social contacts so why is she looking for on-line love?
The 2nd one, we met for coffee and ended up talking for 3 hrs. Her first words were “Damn you’re good looking” (Always a nice way to begin a blind(ish) date. Then as we were leaving she kissed me. And we met again that night at a blues club. More talking and kissing. Now I was hooked. She was an old hippie and had read some very obscure books that I have read and never met anyone else who had! A few days later dinner and back to her place. She was very aggressive and I fell in love. Until the next day when she told me she liked me to much to see me anymore. So I cried and cried and cried. So much so that my cousin came over to see if I was alright. Now onto the 3rd experience. One that is still going strong after 3 months. She was someone whom I had given my phone number to via the dating site and we had talked a bit. One night, a few days after my crying experience, she called while I was getting into my pajamas. We visited and I suggested we meet and she said “when” and I said “now”. So we met. At a bar. The first words out of her mouth were “Damn you’re good looking. And I like your saddle shoes”. Within 3 minutes we were making out like a couple of teenagers. In public no less! But it’s almost like providence. We are very comfortable around each other. There is no pretense and we enjoy the same things. It’s not about just the sex. Sex in a relationship is like glue sometimes. There has to be some “things” that are held together otherwise what’s the point. One might as well masturbate. It’s cheaper and you can go back to other tasks with no further involvement.
I don’t know why I shared all of this. Maybe you can appreciate it. I hope so. I just wanted to share my very positive experience of on line dating and how lucky both Diane (her name) and i feel about meeting each other. We’re almost a “perfect” fit. (If that’s possible. I for one don’t believe perfection exists. Existence in and of itself is imperfect.)
The only issue, if there is one, is she is older than I am and i am having a hard time coming to terms with approaching 60.
Mitch, thank you for sharing. I’m glad you’re enjoying the blog. How wonderful that you found Diane. Lucky you.Thank you again.