The Benefit of Friends With Benefits
I met Scott a month prior to starting the blog. He had a great profile, was handsome and fit. I knew he was fit because he had body shots of himself at the beach. I was a little surprised at his age. He said he was 50 but appeared to be older—55ish but did have the body of a much younger man.
We met the first time for dinner at The Lion (very cool place in The Village).
He was an extremely fashionable guy—his clothes were sophisticated, yet hip. I loved his style. It was a great date. Scott was funny, interesting, well traveled and had an exciting job in the entertainment industry. After dinner he took me to a bar in his neighborhood. He was greeted like the mayor. After a round of drinks or two he showed me his apartment and rooftop deck. We had a steamy session of kissing and clothed touching. I knew if I didn’t leave I’d be doing the Walk of Shame the next morning. Scott was rather pouty when I told him we wouldn’t be having sex.
We had three additional dates and things, well, progressed. I liked Scott and although it wasn’t the epic love I was seeking (that indefinable chemistry wasn’t there for either of us), it was a good arrangement.
I sleep with one man at a time and (in the past) only in a committed relationship. Patty Stanger used to be proud. I didn’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with Scott. He wasn’t The One, but I did make it clear that I wasn’t sleeping with any other men. Scott understood that I was dating others and I assumed he was as well. He agreed that sex with one person at a time was the way he rolled.
Then the blog was born.
At least the concept was and I knew that I wanted to launch on January 5, 2012. If you don’t know why I chose that specific date then click here.
My daughters and I always were (and in lots of ways still are) a team. Our life was never about waiting for someone to help or hiring it done.
Christmas lights on our house? Sure, grab the ladder.
We’re moving by ourselves? Yep, I borrowed a truck. We can lift that armoire.
You want to be a pitcher? OK, let me put on the catcher’s gear and become a really good target.
Mom, you want me to hang the chandelier? Read the directions. What’s a little electrical work for a smart chick like you? (My youngest is an evil genius with power tools).
You want a wilderness vacation? Shit, but OK. I know how to camp.
So, it seemed logical that the three of us could design a website in two weeks.
How hard could it be?
“Fidel, this is more than we can handle.” My oldest calls me that often with the deepest affection. What mother’s heart wouldn’t swell when being compared to a brutal and ruthless Stalinist dictator?
“Oh bullshit, [snotty daughter’s name]. We can do it.”
During the website creation I was stressed and distracted and saw Scott infrequently but when we got together it was a lovely reprieve from the pressure I was feeling. He wasn’t exactly thrilled with the blog concept. It was an “in your face” confirmation that our relationship would not progress beyond what it was. I even showed him the rough drafts of a few posts I’d written in advance of the launch. He said it was way too much information to be sharing with the world.
Scott asked me out for New Year’s Eve. He had tickets to a very swanky event and I was looking forward to it. By December 30th the blog was still under construction and I was freaked out—the launch date was only symbolic, but critical to me.
I finally agreed with my daughters. We needed help and through some frantic online research I found Jami Howard. It was a miracle that she was able to get it all together, but within a few hours Jami had taken the reins and could meet my January 5th deadline.
Then a second miracle–the girls called me Mom. The eye rolling and their statements that included words like: psycho, lunatic, and insane had ended.
I realized it had been several days since I’d heard from Scott. With the holidays it seemed like no big deal and I figured he’d contact me with the details of our fancy date. I began to put an outfit together.
By the morning of New Year’s Eve I had still not heard from him. I knew we weren’t going out and I didn’t need to call for confirmation. I spent the evening with Dick Clark, Ryan Seacrest,
and a bottle of Veuve Clicquot Rose.
I got a text from Scott at 11:45 pm:
Happy New Year!
By then I’d finished the bottle and was doing a brilliant impersonation of Dan Aykroyd’s character (the Santa scene) in Trading Places.
“Ssswwuck you,” I slurred as I stumbled into bed.
It was January 5th and the blog was up. I got an email message from Scott apologizing for his lack of communication and congratulating me on my new endeavor. I was caught up in the excitement, but told him that his disappearance and lack of communication was rude. He apologized profusely and said it wouldn’t happen again.
We resumed our, um, relationship. I thought it was perfect.
And then it wasn’t.
Scott went into hiding again. He didn’t respond to my text or phone call. This time I was done.
Then a funny thing happened.
I got an email message through the blog from a woman who thought I might’ve dated Scott. I responded to her first and then had the following exchange with my Dance Away Lover:
Hi Scott,
I have no idea why you’ve disappeared again, but the reason isn’t important. If seeing me isn’t something you want to do anymore then a quick email or text would’ve been respectful.
I got an email yesterday from a woman named [redacted]. She wanted to let me know she’s enjoying the blog and heard about it from a guy she met online and is dating. I emailed her back and asked who the man was. Well, you know the rest. I told her you were a great guy and an excellent father–gave you a glowing recommendation. I hope if you decide you don’t want to see her anymore you’ll at least show her a little respect and tell her without just disappearing.
I do think you’re a great guy and it is puzzling as to why you continue to behave this way. No matter how busy your schedule has been with work a simple text is the least you should’ve done.
I hope you find happiness and love.
Best,
Melani
Scott’s response:
You are right and I apologize. Seemed to me the connection wasn’t there and figured you felt it as well. That coupled with a lot going on surrounding work made it a little crazy – but that is no excuse and you are right.
I find it strange [redacted woman’s name] reached out to you. I tell EVERYONE about the blog because i think it is great. I met her 1 time last week in NYC for drinks, that is it so dating might be a little strong but whatever.
Anyway, I do apologize and will consider this in the future.
My response:
I did feel the lack of a connection. I enjoyed your company–the sex was great–and I thought it would naturally transition into friendship when one of us met the right person. You’re a grown up guy, Scott, and ignoring my text this week as well as the phone call was a frat boy move and beneath you.
I’m annoyed now, but in a few weeks I’d like to be friends.
Done. No big deal and I hoped we could be friends.
Three months into the blog I got another email message, this time from Chloe, a woman who’d dated Scott briefly and he disappeared. She’d begun following the blog on Scott’s recommendation and was enjoying it immensely. We exchanged a few messages and found we had lots in common. We decided to meet for brunch to commiserate over our online dating experiences and I liked her immediately–I don’t like easily.
She went on one date with Scott and thought they had a great connection. He talked about all the things he wanted to share with her such as barbeques on his rooftop deck this summer. The following week she invited him to a black tie event she was attending. I told her that I knew he must’ve looked great in a tuxedo. She said he did that night as well as a few days later when she saw that he’d posted a new photo on his dating profile that she’d taken of him.
We admired his gall.
I was tickled when she told me he’d listed his age as 48 on the dating site.
She said that he followed up with a lovely email message after the event thanking her for a great night. She replied that she looked forward to seeing him again.
Then it was crickets.
Chloe and I went out for wine a week later. We started at Eataly, progressed to Vin Sur Vingt 20 and then finished with Terroir. Neither of us are big drinkers but we were having far too much fun. The blisters on my feet are still healing from our wine bar crawl.
We thought it was only fair to let Scott know of our new friendship. After all, he brought us together. I sent the photo below to him and our text exchange follows:
Hi from your ladies. Don’t ya wish you were out with us? xx
Would’ve loved to see his expression.
Here’s his response:
Clearly my promotion of your blog knows no bounds
Me:
Yep. You could say that. Does this story qualify as blog-worthy?
Scott:
No comment. Lol
I decided it qualified. Thanks, Scott. Keep up the good work. I’m hoping for lots of new girlfriends. You have excellent taste in women.
“Nobody ever said it was simple to be a man. If it were, more guys would try it.” Hugh O’Neill
I’ve added something new to the sidebar called, “Things I’m CRAZY About.” These are not paid advertising, but things I love. I will add more when I have time–blog, blog, blog.
I don’t know why, but this post reminded me of a Jules Fifer cartoon entitled
“The Curse of Fred Astaire” I can’t find the cartoon but the dialog is:
There’s one thing I should have been but I’m not: Fred Astaire.
But i don’t have the talent or discipline to be Fred Astaire: So I do the next best thing. I tap dance my way thorough life. I tap dance my way through relationships. Around my family. In and out of personal crises. At times I wish I could slow down long enough for some Ginger Rogers to catch me.
But when they come to close….I tap dance away.
Sensational, but isolated.
The curse of Fred Astaire.
Then there is this.
http://www.adambaumgoldgallery.com/feiffer_jules/me_me_meWB.jpg
Thanks, Mitch. Such a sad commentary about people who isolate themselves from intimacy. I think that may be the issue with Scott. I often wonder what has happened to a person to make them behave that way? Thank you again for sharing–the cartoon was great too.
Are you referring to emotional intimacy? I would assume so since you slept with him. I have had some relationships wherein there was a very strong sexual attraction which then lead to emotional intimacy but nothing more; like “love”. (Although we both loved the lusty sex.)
Some people, for a variety of reasons are incapable of real in-depth, no holds barred intimacy and the intimacy I am referring to is far deeper than sex. Although sex is a gateway to this type of sharing and the vulnerability that comes with it, sex is also complicated, a release, a recreational activity but more to the point it is very different for men than it is for women. At least from my subjective experience and understanding. I am a very visual, sensual and lusty person. Often times I think of the scene from Last Tango in Paris where Brando talks about not wanting to know his partners name. That they can better communicate through grunts and groans. And licking, sucking and copulating. But hey, I am a hopeless romantic!
I guess my point is that the best most fulfilling intimacy is expressed though both talking and sex and it can be disapointing if one has their hopes up only to be rejected. I’m having a sad now.
Mitch, sorry for your sad day
. Last Tango in Paris? I’ve never seen it! What’s wrong with me? Yes, to answer your question. Emotional intimacy or as I called it in the Valentine’s Day blog post: fearless intimacy.
I’m not really sad. I could be though thinking about rejection.
Just my 2 cents worth, but meeting a friend who coincidently is/has beendating someone you have ,is at first kinda neat. Not many people can say that. But to rub it in his face is really in a way, mean. There was no connection on either side. You all three were on the dating site looking to date- and that’s what you did. He is a man and all of them ( and us women, too) have issues that we are not comfortable with. You can learn to live with those issues because you like/love/care for that person. Or, you can decide its not for you and continue to look for the perfect happiness you very well may never find
Laura, you may see it that way, but I had a text exchange with him yesterday and it was very pleasant. I don’t think he felt the photo was mean. The problem is the prevalence of this sort of behavior when dating and especially online. It is a cruel thing for anyone to do–make big plans and then disappear. He did it to both of us. Maybe he won’t do it again to someone else because he is a very good guy with a very big flaw that goes far beyond an issue. Thanks for your two cents.
I’m curious….Who initiated the text exchange yesterday between the two of you?
I did when I asked him the name of the restaurant he took me to on our first date and did he have a name preference for the blog post. He thought the second question was hilarious.
I’ve had a FWB go bad on me -in the end the ‘friend’ was really looking for a place to crash and hang out and suddenly there was a lot more couch time-and sports on the telly time=than benefits. All the while he was telling me how important I was yada, yada,. Story ended when he made big plans and never showed up!!!!!! Next. When he finally called ten days later he had no clue why I was putting him off. Took several phone calls and finally a very courageous conversation to explain you don’t disrespect me. I am worth better treatment. His response ” Never meant to hurt you whatever I did I did out of love”. BS!!
Stay true to you.
Cindy
Cindy thank you for sharing your story. He seems like a jerk. I wonder if these guys make plans without being serious–just all talk? Why bother saying anything if you’re not planning to follow through? Thanks again for your comment and I will do my best to stay true!
I thought I heard it all when you told about the peek-a-boo scrotum a few weeks back. This experience probably tops that one from a “I didnt see that twist coming”. Your writing style really complements your experiences. I am glad the Huff Post sees how good this stuff is. I have referred your blog to some friends and they love it. You know you are doing good work when the marrieds tune in as much as the singles do.
John, thank you so much! So nice to hear and I’ll do my best to keep those marrieds reading.Thank you again.
That’s not you… in that photo. I mean… wait. The photo on your website could be a different woman. See, that’s why I’m not an online dating person. Actually, either one would be fine with me. Which one is the real you?
Martin, what are you talking about? Both photos are of me–in fact all photos are of me recently unless otherwise specified. The main website photo was taken around January 1, 2012 and the current FWB photo was taken a week ago. I assure you both are the real me and I’ve been told by every date that I look exactly like my photos.
I know it’s a mad rush during the holidays. Scott didn’t get in touch with you, nor you with him. Understandable. Scott made plans and bought tickets. Why didn’t you message him and wish him a Merry Christmas,and follow up with “are we still on for New Year’s”?
Seriously, Kate? If a man has asks a woman out on New Year’s Eve there’s no “are we still on” needed. It’s a fairly big night and plans (reservations, etc.) must be make weeks in advance.
Exactly. Why no follow-up on your part, instead of sitting alone silently, waiting until New Year’s countdown? I’d have confirmed the plans. There’s no way I’d sit around on a big day, wondering if it was gonna happen, without making pre-bigday contact first. Calling works two ways.
Right, Kate, and what good would it have done if plans are made weeks in advance? I’d still have been sitting home on New Year’s Eve since anyone else I might’ve gone out with already had booked their night. Did you not read the post? My objective in sharing that experience was to give an example of the sort of behavior that was a pattern with Scott–making big plans and then disappearing. Did I give you the impression that I was asking for advice on how to follow up with plans? I don’t follow up. If a man makes a date with me and has to cancel, I expect him to be the one making contact. Just as I would if I invited him over for dinner and couldn’t do it.
Calling, texting,
or emailing someone you sleep with to wish a happy holiday seems an appropriate gesture, and one which is not limited to which gender initiates the greeting. Did this occur on either end?
Kate, I’ve explained my perspective two previous times and won’t again.
I have this handy blog feature which allows me to see all the messages of one commenter. I did that with you after my last response. The negativity you’ve chronically expressed left me wondering why you would continue to read the blog? Just as there are a plethora of people who know me and would say without hesitation that I can regularly be bitchy, I’m sure there are the same in your life that find you to be incessantly contrary. This blog is my journey, my expression of this year of trying to find love after recovering from the loss of my husband. It’s very difficult to share my personal life twice weekly, and I certainly didn’t expect everyone to agree with my beliefs on love and relationships. There have been lots who’ve disagreed–I get it. You go beyond that with the constant oppositional view and you’ve even irritated some readers (and they don’t even have to respond). If you choose to continue to read the blog I would like you to refrain from commenting–even if you think you have something positive to say. Somehow I’m sure that what you see as positive will aggravate me and honestly, Kate, you’ve annoyed me for the last time.
Block her.
I did.
1. For some reason, there are a lot of women who think they can be friends with a man after sleeping with them. Men don’t look at it that way.
Once they’ve been between your legs, friendship is out the window. Any guy you’ve slept with who agrees to be friends with you later…is only saying that in the hope that he can sleep with you again. Go ask 10 straight men that you know and haven’t slept with and ask that question.
9 out of 10 will say no. I’m 50 and I haven’t met a male yet that has said he can only be just friends with a woman he slept with. Just the way it is.
2. You’ll never agree with me but you are more into this guy than he is into you. You both agreed to be f-buddies, nothing more. Was he rude? Yeah he was a knob for not following through but he doesn’t care! He’s a player and isn’t looking for anything serious. You give him shit and he apologizes and you let him back in! What do you think you’re telling this guy with that type of behavior? He does the same thing and you give him shit once again and he again apologizes once again to which you reply that you’re still annoyed but you’d like to be friends in a couple of weeks. I can guarantee the look on that guys face was a amused “pffffttt, whatever”. You didn’t mention that he contacted you in a couple of weeks. You’d think that would be important to the story if he did. It was you that contacted him at the first meeting of the “Scott played me” club. From what you wrote on your blog, he didn’t seem ashamed, awkward or embarrassed with the exchange. Why? because he doesn’t care. You on the other hand do and that’s why you felt the need to send the picture. Even now, it was you who text him asking the name of a restaurant for your blog. He can remember but you can’t? Yes, he thought your second question was hilarious. He’s good looking and charming but he isn’t stupid so he isn’t about to burn any bridges. I’m sure he was also wondering why this woman still has his number…
You cant try and figure out his issues all you want but the fact is, hes a player. Hes happy to hook up with a beautiful woman for as long it lasts and then its off to the next. He may not have been the one but you wanted a little more than FWB and he wasn’t going to deliver that.
I’m not trying to be an asshole, Melani. Most us have been there. It’s happened to me as well. I’m hopeful I’ve learned from the situation but I will say I didn’t keep her number though… ;p
I’ll likely get banned now but whatever. Your patience with those who don’t see things your way is wearing thin and you’ve got 7 months to go.
You know the saying, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
Bruce, I’m flattered that you’ve taken so much time this weekend to analyze little ‘ole me. For the record (forgive me, “Scott”) Scott and I have continued to communicate as strictly friends and he is always the one who reaches out to me first (asking the name of the restaurant and sending the text with our mutual friend were the exceptions). I liked him but there wasn’t the ability or willingness (not sure which) for Scott to open up. It was a shallow/superficial relationship and I’m incapable of falling in love or even deep like in that sort of situation. A man must let me in completely and if he doesn’t or isn’t deep it won’t go any further. To be blunt, I liked the sex. As I stated in the blog post I normally wait for a commitment before intimacy. BUT, well, a woman has needs. I also miss the feel of sleeping (literally) with someone. The feel of another body against mine. Scott met those needs and he was a good fit temporarily and that’s why accepting his apology was easy. As far as your statement about my male friends still wanting to sleep with me? I can’t imagine that’s the case. I have one friend, Rick (we were engaged in college), that I’ve been friends with for more than 30 years. I wasn’t exactly rocking his world sexually in those days so it seems quite a long time to wait for another roll in the hay.
(If any of my male friends happen to be reading this I’d love it if you’d weigh in and tell Bruce what you think)
Now, about your statement, “I’m not trying to be an asshole, Melani.” Of course you are. You’re always negative and, lots of times, downright rude (I just read all of yours too). Again, not sure why you’d follow along if you feel such animosity towards me or my stories. Maybe it’s just who you are–a negative guy who’s looking for a way to vent his frustration towards the female population through one woman’s silly dating blog. That’s kind of what I believe and, yes, I’m tiring of you.
I have lots of patience with those who disagree with me. I post their comments when I don’t have to and respond to all. It would be much easier to simply hit delete but I think it’s good to hear opposing views. There’s been lots of them. It’s when those comments cross the line that I take exception. You’ve crossed the line a couple of times including this post. It is my hope that you’ll either stop commenting or tone down the negativity. You know the saying: time will tell.
I look forward to hearing what your male friends have to say. In the meantime, I’m off on a date…the poor thing, hey? I’ll do my best to contain my venting rage against the female population for the rest of the evening.
Bruce,
I am weighing in.
I’m still friends with all my exes and all I can say is find better friends or qualified real men to survey. A real man appreciates a woman’s point of view on life, fashion, love, romance, cooking and the list goes on. This friendship is not predicated on sex.
I will give you that the desire in a man to make love to an attractive woman is the norm. It takes control of those caveman emotions to act with respect when relating to the opposite sex. I can tell by the way you speak publicly on someone else’s blog that you are a total bore that loves to read your own words.
Do you feel like a real man now that you have shown your ass to the world, so to speak?
You saying anything that is remotely represented to be speaking for the male race is a joke. And boy do I feel sorry for your date. Unless you are a widower, there’s probably a reason why you’re alone at 50 and your brash way of representing the male race is insulting.
In the future, remember that this is a beautiful woman who has had her heart broken after losing her husband to cancer. She is very private but loves her writing. She has decided to bare all for us to laugh, cry and enjoy through her humiliation, pain and tears.
Imagine the Saturday you gave her by your obtusely negative comments.
This is the downside of the net. It allows cowards like you to beat up on people you don’t know or will never meet and it allows you to be disrespectful, publicly. Just like some wish for “Smell-O-Vision”, I dream of “Bitch Slap Internet”.You’d get the biggest bitch slap from a real man who cherishes what women think and have to say without letting my cock get in the way.
Before you respond, chose carefully. I’m 46, in shape and have a shitload of frequent flier miles. I could be in your face by breakfast. Bet it.
Paul, thank you for your support and recognition of how tough it is sometimes is for a private person to put their life on display.
It gets really old to continually hear some close minded guy ,Bruce, trying to tell the world what goes on in the mind of all men. Everyone is different! There are haters, players, nice guys, disturbed, broken, lonely and everything between. I would think at 50 you would have realized not everyone thinks the same as you.
Perhaps it is that I’m from the next generation, in my mid 30s, that makes my opinions very different from yours. I hardly think only 1 in 10 men can truly be friends with a woman regardless of sexual attraction. I have a significant number of women friends that I’m very close to without wanting to sleep with. Yes, many I have slept with in the past either as FWB or in hopes of starting a relationship. These are women that are and will be life long friends, because of the great people they are and I respect them and want them in my life. In a handful of cases I’ve turned the same women down on sexual offers and future FWB suggestions.
I’ve also become good friends with many attractive women that I don’t have the desire to ever sleep with, either because I know we wouldn’t work out as more than friends or it would hurt someone else we care about. I personally am not even interested in a 1 night stand if I can’t connect on some level and genuinely like the woman beyond physical attraction.
Maybe I am that different of a guy, I probably have as many deal breakers as melanie, lol, and like to believe I’m one in a million. I’ve also had the friends with benefits thing work very well in a few instances where we really clicked sexually but both knew it wasn’t meant to be in the end. In 1 or 2 cases the FWB went on for many years and would halt or take time outs only when one of us found someone else we wanted to date or sleep with. Communication and respect are the key!
As for Scott, no one can tell us what was going on in his head. I have to think he was a special person to get as far with Melanie as he did, as well as very lucky. I don’t think the everyday player goes after someone like Melanie because it usually takes to much effort to get with an independent, brilliant and beautiful woman that knows what she wants. It is typically a chase after vulnerable, slutty, or dumb woman that you never want to be friends with in the first place, so I have a hard time thinking Scott is just a player who didn’t care at all.
As for Melanie, thank you for sharing your experiences! I have considered doing the online dating several times and it helps to get the insiders perspective and have an idea what to expect. I appreciate your open details and vulnerability on a weekly basis, even though you know the haters and flamers will be right there with each new post.
Thank you, Jeff. Nothing bothers me more than when one woman decides to speak for all women. Your former girlfriends are lucky to have you as their friend.
Dear Douchebag (err Bruce),
You have heard from others (kudos to Jeff and Paul), and now you hear from the big leagues. First a little history. My name is Rick and I have known Melani for over 30 years. We met in college and I was smitten with her. After some time and a vigorous pursuit, she was mine. At one time or another we were boyfriend-girlfriend, lovers and eventually fiancés. For whatever the reason (choose any number when you are in your early 20”s), we went our separate ways. Suffice to say that I carried the torch for some time. For whatever reason, our lives converged again eleven years later. I won’t lie and say that sexual and emotional leanings were not present when we first reconnected. But then something happened. We had both evolved and had become different people. We both looked at each other one night (as anyone may have surmised by now, candor is Mel’s strong suit) and realized that the sexual tension we thought we were feeling was simply a lingering reminiscence of a time gone by and that we were simply, wonderfully and comfortably the best of friends. A friendship that has endured through good times, hardship, life’s incongruities and even death. She has been there for me and I for her and there is nothing in this world that we wouldn’t do for each other.
Now Bruce, in your tiny little tin foiled window world, I’m certain that the only thing you gained from mine and Mel’s history is: “See? He wanted to bang her!”. To think you were capable of any semblance of evolved thought would have been folly on my part. You my friend are unique. That is not to say that there aren’t others like you out there. Unfortunately for the rest of us, there are. It is to say that your thought process, borne of ugliness, rejection and reclusive action figure collecting solitude, is one that while real and meaningful to you, is mindful of a time when our knuckles still dragged on the ground. I would not be totally surprised if your life has not been the catalyst and foundation of an episode of Law & Order SVU.
If you were to truly take a step back you would probably see (I’m stretching here giving you credit for comprehension of anything beyond the Flintstones) that it is in fact not a simple wanting to bed former relationships but rather that yours were in all reality probably ended by the other person once you opened your mouth. That being said, of course you wanted and continue to want them as you were sent packing by each and it is human nature for you and your ilk to want what they can’t have. To say that a man simply cannot be friends with a former relationship (your hand, distorted pirated cable porn and a well-worn EZ Boy recliner don’t count) is ludicrous.
I am single and successful and have had the immense pleasure of being blessed with phenomenal women in my life that I continue to care for throughout my days. I also have the amazingly good fortune (See: good fortune: considerate, open, communicative, concern, intellect) to have remained friends with most if not all of these women.
Many of these women confide in me their innermost feelings and I share with them as well. Several, at one time or another, have seen fit to introduce me to other women. Mel is one of them as well. If they haven’t overtly introduced me, they have alerted me to the existence of someone that they feel would be right for me.
Bruce, please heed my advice, put down the Jar Jar Binks figure, take off the Jedi robe, rake the comb over in place, pick up all the hot pocket boxes, change your underwear (and no turning them inside out yet again doesn’t count), vacuum all the Cheetos from your closet, err I mean studio apartment and pull down the tin foil so that the sunshine of life can once again enter your existence clearly illuminating your Dukes of Hazard and ET posters. Once you have done all of this, call one of the exes (those that haven’t changed their numbers or blocked yours, again, based on the assumption, however crazy it that you have actually had a relationship) and simply ask them to cite your deficiencies, mental, emotional, physical, philosophical, educational, societal, etc.. Those that feel enough time has elapsed since they sought the restraining order will hopefully provide you with some insight. The sad aspect is that based on your ignorant statements to date, you lack the requisite and fundamental capacity to grasp that which is being said. This again would be evidence of those relationship failures in the first place. Once you have completed listening to all of their reasons, you can do one of two things, change, or turn on the 2016 Olympics from Rio de Janeiro (yes that is how long I think it would take to cite your deficiencies as a man). I assume that whatever is said, were you to surprise the world and actually seek to learn, will be lost on you.
But buddy, you tried, you gave it your best. Take solace in that and treat yourself. Go to the store and get some new batteries for your light saber, put on your Dumbledore hat, reinflate your girlfriend (she will never be your friend either) and rock on with your life. It’s only a matter of time before the police dig under your porch. And you were right, you weren’t trying to be asshole, the jury came in on that long ago. You’re already there buddy.
Take care,
Rick (Mel’s friend)
Wow.
Yep, my thoughts exactly.
Rick, I love you, simple as that. Neal loved you too.
Rick,
You are my new hero. The one that made me laugh the loudest was the Rio Olympics reference. This is an example of the good of the net when men like you step forward and allow your intellect to shine so brightly. We will never meet but this has taught me as well as shown others who regularly read this blog not to get on your bad side. My instinct was to bitch slap this prick but I like your approach much better. You walked into his mind, kicked his shit around and exposed it for all to see, then left him to sleep with that. In my way, the red mark actually goes away, in your way, the scar stays a lifetime… like this blog post. Rick, on this Mother’s Day when Melani is filled with beaming pride at her two lovely daughters, feel my handshake and pat on the back to you. I like your style but fear your pen. (Keyboard)
Bruce, alias the Neanderthaler..
Was about to comment on your ridiculous remarks you posted on Melani’s blog, but no need to anymore. Rick, you are a fantastic guy! Thanks!!
Bruce, just to let you know, Melani and I used to date and yes I am still one of Melani’s male friends. And you know what, Melani is a great friend to have, she is a strong intelligent woman, independent and knows much more about life, love and relationships than you will ever know. I feel really priviliged to be one of her friends.
Bruce, you definitely need some self reflection, try to find out why you think it is impossible for ex lovers to remain friends….You are such a pathetic guy.
Jan, I feel privileged to be your friend.
I can add a perspective about Melani too. While the last few posters have known Melani for a while, I have never met her. When I came upon her blog, she struck a cord with me on one particular issue and I emailed her to tell her that. She replied to me within a couple of hours with kind words and a sort of pep talk. It made my day.
Now keep in mind that I had never met her, never emailed her prior to this and never commented on her prior posts. So I was literally some guy who emailed her out of the blue. And yet she took the time to reply and those words helped me to continue forward. She had nothing to gain from doing that but she did anyway. Speaks volumes as to her character if you ask me.
Thank you, John.
Well, after reading all of the stupid comments that Bruce had made I came to comment only to see that Rick and Paul have pretty much summed things up nicely. I will say this though, Rick you are a freaking artist! When I confront guys my approach is a bit more brutish, but I attribute that to my past employment in law enforcement and night club “security”. To Paul, not that you have ever needed it but I’ve got your back….always have. Just tell me when it’s time to roll and I’m there. To Melani, you’re blog absolutely rocks. Honestly, I don’t know you except from your posts, but from what I can surmise you seem to be just like Emily (Diane Keaton…what a babe!) in the movie “Somethings Gotta Give”…..a strong but guarded woman with a very vulnerable side.
P.S. My wife loves your blog also!
Thank you, Jim and thanks to your wife too for following along. Really appreciate your comment and love “Something’s Gotta Give”.
Well wasn’t that a truly interesting back and forth. I grabbed the popcorn because something instinctively told me this was going to get good, I wasn’t disappointed. Melani you are very lucky to have such great friends, the male one’s too!! HA HA
I am lucky, Mary. My male friends certainly did a good job of supporting me. Glad you grabbed that popcorn.