5/25 Update: The post is finally up! Click here.

My new Huffpost piece has been submitted but hasn’t hit the pages yet. I figured I could  wait all night (it was supposed to be up by now) to add the link to this post or I could just give you the exclusive. Seemed like an easy choice.  Here it is and I’ve added additional photos and links to this one that won’t appear on Huffington Post when they publish it.

 Is He Toy Worthy? Looking For Mr. Goodvibe

According to a Dr. Oz national sex survey, 58% of people have purchased a sex aid. When I watched his show in 2010 with sex expert Dr. Laura Berman, they discussed the benefits that couples could have with the vibrator, the We-Vibe. I wanted to share that experience with the significant man in my life. Unfortunately, I didn’t have one and so for a few minutes I’ll admit that I watched the television and daydreamed about a mutually satisfying toy experience with the good doctor. Don’t judge. He’s a sexy beast.

A quick search and I learned he was married.

Damn you, Wikipedia.

In January I decided to put myself back on the dating roster. It had been five years since my husband died and I was finally ready to try again. I searched online for an honest narrative of Internet dating experiences from women close to my age–especially those who were new to online dating. I wanted an ongoing dialogue, as if I were reading someone’s journal or talking with a close friend over a glass of wine.

When I couldn’t find it, I did it myself.

The blog chronicles my life in the romance trenches of the Big Apple–what I’m experiencing during a year of online dating. A no holds barred twice weekly report.

In the sexual version of Field of Dreams, “If you build it he will come,” (nah, not going for the cheap pun on that one), I planned to buy the We-Vibe 3, the latest version of the first vibrator that can be worn inside the woman during intercourse. This amazing device will hit both of a woman’s sweet spots and the man has added stimulation with the vibration he feels.

A week ago, ready to purchase what I hoped would be a self fulfilling prophecy, I took a fieldtrip to Babeland, an adult toy store in SoHo. A sex educator, Pamela, schooled me on what was new in the toy market. Let’s just say they’re not your mama’s Magic Wand (not that there’s anything wrong with that). They were esthetically beautiful devices that looked like a piece of sculpture–something I’d comfortably leave on the nightstand even when my 80-year-old father visited.

Pamela concisely stated, “They’re so beautiful a person can say, ‘my sex life is very sophisticated.’”

She showed me the top sellers: Lelo-Gigi, Jimmy Jane-Form 2, and their number one, We-Vibe 3. Babeland has all products on display for customers to hold and, um, feel.

 

 

 

 

 

No, not that way. Talk about awkward.

Visitors are encouraged to turn them on to get an idea of the varying levels of intensity. The biggest trend in sex toys is interactivity. Couples can enjoy the play together and many are remote controlled. Imagine the possibilities–maybe even public ones. The We-Vibe 3 can be worn outside the bedroom and the house for that matter. Think of the fun one might have with their lover at, well, the grocer: the giver with the remote near the bananas the receiver near the oranges.

All of a sudden it’s not such drudgery.

We might begin hearing a real life version of the legendary orgasm scene from When Harry Met Sally, except this time it won’t be faking.

“I’ll wear what she’s wearing,” may become the new mantra.

I’m not a big fan of reusing–where certain things are concerned. Sure, I’ll wash out my food storage bags, love the takeout plastic containers, but there’s something a tad seedy about recycling the toys. And at around $140 the We-Vibe 3 is not the sort of item one buys in bulk like disposable razors. Not something I might whip out on a whim with Mr. Right Now, like the package of glow in the dark condoms I once bought for a laugh. I live in New York City where discretionary income is spent on frivolities like food and electricity. I need to be certain he’s someone I want to see more than once in the morning.

Until it happens I’ll look at it as sort of a tangible dream board. It will remain sealed in the original packaging on an eyelevel shelf in the bedroom waiting much more patiently than I. Perhaps I’ll even invest in another top seller–one that is better designed for what I hope will only be a temporary solo life.

********************************************************************************

That’s the shelf next to my bed (this is not in the article) with all the necessary things:

We-Vibe

Inspiration quote!

Flashlight (safety first)

Fifty Shades of Grey (Mommy Porn)

Mace

The inspiration quote is rather fitting considering the cringe worthy stuff I share, right?

PARTAAAY

 Do you want to party with me?

My friend Christy (from “Stalking Francisco”) had a great idea. She suggested I host a party to celebrate the halfway point of 12 months of online dating and make it a singles gathering.  How refreshing to take it offline for a change. I don’t want to limit it to people who are single so for the lucky readers with a partner, I hope you’ll attend too.  Here’s the caveat: if you’re attached you must bring your most eligible single friend of either gender. Age and sexual orientation are irrelevant since this blog seems to have a very diverse readership. Who knows? You might just meet that special person you’re looking for.

I’m not sure if there’s any interest but I thought it would be fun. My stats counter shows that I have a fairly large NYC/New Jersey following but this is certainly not limited to those living in the area.  Before I start looking for a venue I’d like an idea of how many people think they might enjoy it too. I’ll try to find a place that has a separate area just for us and I might even spring for some fancy snacks. The drinks, well, those are on you. Maybe one of the places I’ve mentioned in the blog? I’ve set up a separate Gmail account: 1yearofonlinedatingat50@gmail.com.  If you’re interested in attending, please send a message.

I’m also a little concerned about doing this during the summer (even though July is the official halfway month). Seems to be the norm to take some sort of vacation during that time. I know I have one planned for two weeks in July. Perhaps I should wait until September? I’m open to suggestions.

I’d love to meet you and if you feel the same it would be just peachy. If you wanted to drag along another single friend,  I promise I won’t ask if they read the blog.

If I only get a smattering of emails, I’ll share my shame and forgo the party but I’m excited and knew the moment Christy shared her idea it was something I’d like to do.

I have an update to the “Cheap or Evolved” entry that caused quite a stir. I’ll post it on Monday. I double dare anyone to tell me I was wrong about my conclusion at the end of the first post about Daniel. We even had a lively email exchange. A wounded ego can make a person surly. I’ll share the highlights.

If you subscribed to my blog and haven’t received email notifications this month I want to apologize. Something went wonky and we can’t figure it out. The problem has been remedied by a new SUBSCRIBE button that you’ll see in the right margin but you’ll have to register again. Your email address is my secret and I can keep a secret. New subscribers are always welcome (and make me feel so special) so sign up if you’re like me and can’t remember a thing unless you write it down or tell Siri.

Happy Memorial Day! I’m spending the weekend having lots of wild sex. OK, that’s a lie. I’m petsitting for people who actually have plans that I hope include lots of wild sex. I have three dogs and a plump cat in my small apartment AND I’m a neat freak. Don’t you wish you were living the dream just like me?

“An intellectual is a person who’s found one thing that’s more interesting than sex.” Aldous Huxley