Mr. Wonderful
Thank God for idiots. They’ve given me such good material. What would’ve become of this blog if I were to only have normal dates? It might go something like this:
I met Steve and he was nice. We went to dinner. The food was great. He picked a wonderful bottle of red wine. We shared a dessert. He paid. Once outside he hailed me a taxi. Steve gave me an appropriate kiss goodnight. He sent me a text on his way home to thank me for a lovely evening. He called after two days and asked me out for the following week. He sent me another text a few days later to let me know he was looking forward to our next date.
I met Steve for our second date. He was nice again…
You get it.
It might make being single and fifty less depressing but it would be death by yawning for my future as a writer.
BUT, every once in a while I happen to have one of those nice dates—I’ve actually had several (don’t roll your eyes—I have). They just don’t make it here. Nothing dramatic, just a good date with a decent man who’s not right for me, or vice versa.
What is about that indefinable thing that most of us seek?
That elusive IT that has nothing to do with looks, personality, intellect, character?
Recently, I had the inner dialog of: What the fuck is wrong with you? Why can’t you be crazy about this guy?
I met Thomas and after a couple of email exchanges and a phone call. He asked me to dinner and chose Via Brazil.
We had a lovely time. He was smart, handsome, charming and interesting. When his gave me a quick kiss and said goodbye I felt lucky to have met him. He suggested we meet again and I looked forward to knowing him better.
BUT, that thing wasn’t there. I made a list in my mind of his amazing qualities.
There wasn’t anything wrong with Thomas.
Date two, same thing. Thomas chose Suenos because my profile stated that I love Mexican food and he’s a thoughtful man.
He was even more delightful during dinner and quite funny. I had a wonderful time and mentally kicked myself during the ride home.
Guys like this don’t come along too often. What, are ya holding out for George Clooney? Last time I checked he’s not been coming around as often.
Date three, it happened again. I really wanted to fall for Thomas. I kept thinking it might be a delayed sort of thing.
I might just have my guard up. Who could blame me?
After all, I’ve had an exceedingly large amount of weird friggin’ men. Shall we review some of their antics?
Let’s also run the highlight films of some things that happened.
A waiter was stiffed and chased us to the door.
A little person showed up, bought me wine and my date became territorial.
I did a Mary Katherine Gallagher impression.
I had to stare at shrubs growing from my date’s nostrils and ears.
I had a man try to feed me.
Somebody please say, “Slowly put down the mouse and step away from the computer.”
I’ve earned the right to be cautious and wish that were the case with Thomas. I’d love to be writing this post to tell you that after date three I fell in love with the perfect man.
Melani, signing OFF the blog and ON to her life. Yea!
Not.
He was perfect, but not for me.
When I told Thomas how I felt he was disappointed but as expected, incredibly kind. He said it made him sad but wanted me to be happy. I deserved nothing less than what I was looking for—another big love.
His selflessness made me cry.
I’ve had this sort of conversation with other men and they aren’t nearly as altruistic.
So we wished each other well, parted ways and never spoke again, right?
Not a chance.
There was no way I was going to let that man slip away. He might not be right for me but I had a plan.
I fixed him up with my friend Chloe. We’ve become fast friends since the Scott debacle and here’s the thing about Chloe, she deserves a good man. Internet dating has been rough for her too. Plus, she’s been a good friend to me in the short time we’ve been hanging out. She’s gone with me to a Bondage is Fun class for an article I was working on until I got scooped by The New Yorker. She’s now agreed to take pole-dancing classes with me for another piece.
She’s fun, adventurous, very pretty, has arms that Michelle Obama would be jealous of and is one of the most decent people I’ve ever met—just like Thomas. They would be GREAT together.
You got nothin’ on me, Patti Stanger!
OK, I’m probably getting ahead of myself. They haven’t even gone out yet but something tells me they’re going to click.
I hope so because they are both deserving of the happiness that comes from being with the right person–actually everyone is.
Have you ever fixed someone up who wasn’t right for you? If so, I’d love to hear about the outcome and keep your fingers crossed for Thomas and Chloe.
“You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.” Bonnie Raitt, “I Can’t Make You Love Me”
Okay…I don’t get it. Love and long lasting attraction has to marinate. That feeling of excitement and tingling ain’t love it’s hormones and immaturity (not saying you are immature). I think you should have gone on more dates. At least, that’s what I would have done.
Me? When I date, if I get that tingle tangle feeling within three dates, I do not continue, as I am seeking a deep connection not a superficial lust filled fling. As always I wish you good luck.
DDR, I do agree with you about “the feelings of excitement and tingling” aren’t love. But that’s not what I’m looking for. When I had the experience it wasn’t anything like the butterflies you’ve described. It was just an irrefutable feeling of being with the exact right person. I knew he was it. We had five years of that feeling and it never wavered. There wasn’t a superficial thing about it. We also had passion and it wasn’t a watered-down version–it was lustful. That never stopped or transitioned either (lucky us!). I can’t describe it to you any other way but I can tell you that once you’ve had it, anything less seems so much less.
You need Mr. Sweet & Sexy.
Yes I do and throw in a bit of sass while you’re at it. I need to be challenged.
Boy Mel. Sometimes when I read what you write it reminds me of song lyrics too. I can’t tell you how many times these past few weeks I’ve thought of that Raitt song. It’s so sad,melancholy and written from the heart that it makes me cry. There is no quantifying chemistry. That magical “it” that you mentioned. Like the imposition of the clockwork into the Orange, it is either there or not and no amount of admirable qualities, great sense of humor, good looks, good hygene, great sense of humor, stability, gentle-manliness, commonality etc etc etc will over come the lack of innate desire and genuine connection. And caring. “It” is either there and fully recognizable or “it’s” absence is profoundly glaring. And empty. And I can relate to the loneliness you describe. I can also relate to how strongly you feel about meeting a special person. Some one with whom you are both fulfilled and feel complete. And yet are that way anyway: within your own being and alone. For it is that level of actualized solitude that allows one to share ones own being with another who is on the same wavelength. I mean, are we not all light energy anyway? And light travels on wavelengths. Or so the physicists tell us.
Another song that comes to mind is “Tangled Up In Blue” by Dylan.
“and then she opened up a book of poems
and handed it to me.
Written by an Italian poet form the 13th century.
And ever one of those words rang true
and burned like glowing coal.
Pouring off of every page like it was written by my soul
from me to you.
Tangled up in blue.”
And this one. One of my fav’s by Led Zepplin
“And when I’m out I see you walking,
Why don’t your eyes see me,
Could it be you’ve found another game to play,
What did mama say to me?
And yesterday I saw you standing by the river,
And weren’t those tears that filled your eyes,
And all the fish that lay in dirty water dying,
Had they got you hypnotized?
Yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers,
But all that lives is born to die,
And so I say to you that nothing really matters,
And all you do is stand and cry.
I don’t know what to say about it,
When all you ears have turned away,
But now’s the time to look and look again at what you see,
Is that the way it ought to stay?
You are a phenomenal woman Melani and I’m sure that you will achieve the most grand romance. Beyond which you can even now imagine.
But be cautious about playing cupid! I think you have some issues with bows and arrows…
It’s absence is profoundly glaring. Thanks, Mitch.
Your the best . Wait for the best . You willl get it . Just ask the men who read your blog They would kill to ask you out. You know it is electric when the right dude comes calling. Your just way to good t o settle fr anything but stud #10. Stick to your guns Melanie. Almost wrote Melmac. Plates Michael. Horse I’ll Have Another what a trip. My lord who thought up that name Roseanne rossanna Danna.
Danna Michael Your mother did not know how to spell eal what a trip for insurance co.
I know what you mean about thinking it should be right, but somehow, it isn’t. I dated one woman who was very nice, and really had everything just right, but for some reason I still can’t quite put my finger on, she just didn’t do it for me.
I see that Mike above seems to be on the same page as I am. (Even if his grammar is not perfect.) Men are reading your stories, and a fair number of us are falling in love with you. And I think that some day, you will find your big love with someone who reads your stories here. So keep on writing.
Thank you, Stan for sharing your experience. Maybe you’re right about someone finding me through the blog. You never know how these things might happen. I will write on.
When I first read this entry, I wondered if you weren’t being too picky. Then I read it again and decided that you just need to keep meeting more men like this until you find one with that something special. Um, yes, I have “decided!” COME ON, GUYS, STEP UP TO THE PLATE.
Exactly, Robin. “The heart wants what it wants,” as Woody Allen said. I do have to keep dating and who knows, maybe one day I’ll walk into a grocery store or restaurant and there he’ll be.
Thanks for a lovely piece. But now you’ve got me nervous about your pole-dancing skills! Looking forward to our next adventure. You know the refrain, “….but most of all, when snowflakes fall, I wish you love.” I hope it happens for you a lot sooner.
Oh, I will own that pole or make a fool out of myself trying. Get the camera ready.
Still a fan Mel – love your stories.
Thank you, Bob!
It will happen when you least expect it. Or in the strangest placeor situation. Your good people. I bought a new car so I am high as a kite. Singing Ina godadavida to myself.
Another deja vu dating experience. Either our stars are aligned in a weird voodoo kinda way or this is all too typical of everyone in the dating world. I went out with “Dave” who was perfect in every single way. Articulate, funny, very nice, great job, healthy, active,smart, attractive just an all around great guy. Just one little thing missing…a connection, a spark, a walk into a brick wall with my eyes wide open kind of feeling. That feeling you have when you meet someone and you just know, this is it. This person is unique and makes me feel different than anyone ever has or ever willl. Even after 4 very nice dates, it just wasn’t there. And when you know that “it” feeling from a prior relationship, you know darn well you want nothing less than the same. I want my eyes to light up ever time that person walks into the room. I want to see that person and know ever day that this is who makes me feel wonderful and alive and passioinate and inspired. You’re not picky, Melani. Neither am I (although I have to remind myself of that almost daily). Settling is just not option. Ever!
Karen
Karen, you are so right. Settling is just not an option. Thank you for your comment and I like the alignment of our stars in a weird voodoo kinda way.
That great love can’t just be good on paper–(even though Thomas was better than that)…It has to feel right and be right…It’s not called that “certain something” for nothing. It’s the touch, the smell…I call it chemistry…others say that’s lust…but it’s not…it’s more…It’s intangible..I actually just call it having their scent up your nose and once it’s there, it’s almost impossible to get out. You’ve seen it many many times with other couples and you’ve felt it before, and when it’s right, you just know it…and you will…Good luck, we’re all pulling for you!
Thanks, Tracey. I love what you wrote, “having their scent up your nose and once it’s there, it’s almost impossible to get out.” Well put. Thanks also for the wish of luck. I feel you pulling for me.