A PRIDEful Sunday
Last weekend I attended some of NYC Pride festivities.
I’ve said many times, over the last few months, “If I could just be a lesbian it would be so much easier.”
I didn’t attend to check out the ladies (although lots were seriously beautiful), but to support my friends, Leigh and Jacquelyn.
A little history.
I’ve only known Jacquelyn for six months. Leigh, I’ve known for ages. I’m a dear friend of her mother. When they met (online, by the way), Leigh couldn’t wait to introduce me.
I knew after spending a little time with them that this was a different sort of relationship for Leigh. She was completely herself. I observed them working out the things that we do in the beginning of a new coupling.
Leigh is blunt and says whatever is on her mind.
Jacquelyn is quiet and introspective.
Leigh is rather worldly. She went to boarding school in Switzerland and hopes to eventually live in Europe.
Jacquelyn grew up on a family farm in rural Vermont, just completed fours years of military service in the Navy, and has had her fill of wanderlust.
Leigh is a challenger of anything she deems unjust.
Jacquelyn just wants everyone to get along.
I recall their first disagreement. Leigh was upset that Jacqueline didn’t recognize her birthday for the Magnificent Occasion it was.
For Jacquelyn, birthdays are just another day. I do admit (forgive me, Leigh’s family), that Leigh’s clan can be a bit much. Especially, my friend, her mother. It is no wonder that Leigh has an elevated sense of what a birthday should be–even as an adult. Her mother calls super early in the morning and says this same line for every birthday—from her first on:
“The happiest day of my life, ____ years ago today, you were born.”
Then she tells the story of Leigh’s birth—every single detail.
Can I get an eye roll here?
BUT, the two also have much in common. They are both writers. Leigh writes gritty personal essays filled with sentences so blunt they make me gulp. Jacquelyn, a poet, writes dreamy pieces filled with longing for acceptance. They are both over-the-top brainy and have the same irreverent sense of humor. It takes a Ph.D. in Obscure to understand some of the things they laugh about. They love animals and underdogs. I see their life together filled with both.
So, I met them on Sunday and walked around the festival. I met some other couples, as well.
Myrna and Delia, who’ve been together for ten years. I knew I would feel my two marriages were less valid while chatting with these two. Weirdly, it never happened.
Eric and Jeff, who met online three years ago. While talking to them I expected to hear the voice of God, “IT’S ADAM AND EVE, NOT ADAM AND STEVE.” But the Lord was quiet that day.
Marie and Olivia, from Montreal. They’ve been together four years but have known each other for twelve. No DOMA in Canada and we all know the global reputation of Canadians—violent and crazy sexual deviants.
Ganessan and Karl, from Australia. They can’t marry there, either. Hallelujah! There’s another country that discriminates against its citizens!
A very interesting man recently sent me an email message asking if I’d like to meet for coffee or a drink. The site has a section where one can answer a bunch of questions, and if the person contacting you has replied to the same ones you can see his or her answers. I loved his profile and he was quite handsome. One photo was of him standing next to a large statue of Buddha. I was excited and clicked on our matching questions.
Here’s my response to his message:
Hi Ron,
Thank you for your message. Unfortunately, we are not a match. I can say that with 100% certainty—without a cup of coffee.
One answer to one question: “Should gays be allowed to adopt?” You said, “No.”
I find it ironic that you’re standing next to a statue of Buddha in one of your photos. What would Buddha do?
Here’s the truth. My daughter is gay. That anyone would think she is less qualified to parent a child based on the way she was born and whom she loves is reprehensible. You are saying that my beautiful girl is less.
Melanie
Yes, Leigh (her middle name), is my youngest daughter.
She is not broken. I don’t need to pray the gay away. She is beautiful, loving, brave and perfect. I challenge anyone to look at this face and tell me differently.
I am sure Jacquelyn’s parents would throw down the same gauntlet.
When we remove all the bullshit–all the archaic religious nonsense–what’s left is love. Two people, free to love each other and express that love with all the same rights and responsibilities every straight citizen of the United States has. How can that be wrong?
I see my girl and her girl, dreaming about a life they’ll share, making plans. Working through their differences with the foundation always being their commitment to each other.
I can’t fathom how anyone would have a problem with that.
It is rather ironic that when they wheeled my newborn to me in the hospital (cocooned in a blanket–that shock of dark hair sticking out), I saw her first and middle name written together on the bassinet.
That will look so beautiful on her wedding invitation.
Who knew that she would grow up in a country where something as simple as that would be denied? And what about Jacquelyn? She served her country and yet is denied the same civil rights that others (who aren’t as selfless) receive.
Source: Military Times
It is a shared human need to love and be loved—what we all seek. Leigh and Jacquelyn have found it. I smile constantly when around the two of them. It is what parents wish for and a joyous thing to see. It is almost everything I’ve always dreamed of for my brilliant girl.
“Find out who you are and be that person. That’s what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.” Ellen Degeneres
Your finest and most heartfelt article to date, Melani… Period. If I could hit a “like” button a thousand times for this piece, I would. Just sayin’.
Michael, I like what you’re just sayin’. Thank you (a thousand times) so much!
Great piece Melani, I really love the direction your blog has taken. You are a terrific mom, an inspiring woman, and a great writer. Cannot wait for your book to come out! (And yeah, Leigh and Jacqueline for finding each other!)
Kellie, I haven’t had much going on in the dating arena so I’m glad to hear you’re enjoying the direction I’ve taken. Thank you so much for your kind words. I got tears in my eyes.
Heart warming!
P.S. I feel like I already know Leigh and like her very much. I hope she sings “You and I travel to the beat of a different drum……”
Me too, Louise. You are so clever
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This was a lovely piece. It made my heart sing. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Pamela.
Beautiful piece.
Thanks, Dovie.
What a wonderful piece Melani! Perfect response to the man who said No to Gay Adoption. I recall fighting for the Rights of Gay couples to become Foster Parents here on the East Coast of Canada. How proud was I to have been a part of that change 15 years ago.
Love your blog and follow along lamenting my own search for The One. I laugh, and cry with you.
Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your life! Anytime you wish to come back to Canada, even to visit, first glass of wine is on me!
Kim
Thank you, Kim. Very cool that you were part of the foster parent changes in Canada. I am glad the blog resonates with you during your own search for love. I will come back to Canada–love it so much–and would love to take you up on your offer for a glass of wine. Thank you again!
This is a topic near and dear to my heart – one that I can’t, for the life of me, understand how it’s still such an ‘issue’ for people. This is a beautiful post – and I’m sure those early morning birthday phone calls are as precious to her as they are to you. If you have a chance, go to Amazon, and search for a movie called “Flowers from the Heartland”. Order a copy – and when you watch it, keep an eye out for Randi Reitan, who is my aunt, and mother of my cousin Jake (and my Godmother – lucky me!). He’s the youngest of 4, and has stood up as best man in each of his older sibling’s weddings; we’re fighting here in MN to keep an amendment from being added to our state’s constitution this fall, which could forever deny his right to someday marry the man he loves.
Best wishes for a long and happy love to Leigh and Jacqueline!
Thank you, Donna for both your kind words and information. I will check it out.
Beautiful, Melani
Thank you, Linda.
Melanie, I already knew I liked you and your writing but this makes your blog a million times more awesome to me! My mom joined me and my girlfriend for her first ever Pride this year and I tried to act *cool* but I was really holding back tears of happiness the whole time! I wish all of us could have such wonderful moms! Congrats to Leigh and Jacquelyn for finding each other also
Thanks, Mary. What a great story you shared. I bet your mom is just as happy as I am to see her daughter in love.
MELANI* i added the extra “e” out of habit (good friend by that name).
No problem. It’s been happening for most of my life and I think it only adds to the confusion when I sign my email messages (that I include in the posts) with the “E” at the end. I’m not sure if new readers will understand why but all they have to do is check the archives for the blog post, “Busted” to find out.
HI again Melani from Oklahoma. Now one would not think there was a lot of tolerence here in “bubbaville” but surprisingly enough we had our own Pride Parade and Festivities the first weekend in June with over 30,000 participants. There are billboards appearing now that proclaim “Someone you know and love is gay…PFLAG”. My two next door neighbors are the best “brothers” a girl could have…I even rest better at night when I peek out and make sure their pickups are in their driveway. So maybe there is hope for us here in Oklahoma. Just wanted you to know there are pockets of tolerance…even here!
PS. I agree with you…it would be much easier to be lesbian but I, like you was “Born this way” HA!
Dana, you always make me laugh. I have to get to Oklahoma one of these days. Who knew it was such an enlightened place!
Hey Melani
as a thanks for having me! Great Moms are every where and surely Leigh and Jacqueline will be great Moms too. I always liked the line, Don’t like gay marriages, Don’t get one! It is so disrespectful of other people to impose their ridiculous beliefs on others. The man standing next to a Buddha and intolerant. That is an oxymoron to be sure…heavy on the moron. Keep your beautiful writing coming my friend, I always am happy to see a new post!
A wonderful post and agree that I love the direction your writing has ebbed and flowed away from dating and more to your personal stories. When you write from your heart about important things; my heart smiles and tears come to my eyes. Happy for you Mom and that your daughter is in love, something to be cherished and celebrated. I totally get the birthday thing, my Mom calls me very early on my birthday too. The last 15 years or so I’ve started sending her flowers on my birthday
Thanks, Tracy. It hasn’t ebbed and flowed for any other reason than it has been rather quiet on the dating front. Perhaps it’s a summertime lull, but I’m also glad to have such positive responses to the stories! Thanks again, lovely Tracy.
Hi, Melani,
Loved the surprise identity of Leigh…….the great writer that you are knew just when to add the “extra little detail”……:Like you, I have never understood the mentality of anyone even caring, in the least, what someone else harmlessly does in their own bedroom……or living room or dining room, for that matter. I will never forget a Saturday night when I was in my 20′s, and I was alone and lonely. And as I walked to my front door I passed two older men together as a couple. And all I could deeply feel was warmth and envy…………questioning how anyone could possibly fault those men for having love in their lives. Unfortunately, the type of people who read you and love your blog are probably already the open-minded, but if you made even one person think about the issue with a little more empathy, you’ve made a difference. What a writer. What a loving, humane human you are. (I think I must have a non-gay crush on you or something……….)
Jo, thank you for sharing the tender story of the two men you observed. How can that be wrong? I do hope my post will open someone’s mind a bit but you are probably right about the regular readers. Seems like quite an open-minded bunch–love them all for that. Thank you also for the non-gay crush. The online dating scene has been so quiet these days that I’m just grateful that anyone feels I’m crush-worthy. Thanks again for sharing!
I loved this one! I remember my first Pride parade in the Village two years ago. I observed from my apartment for a good hour before thinking “I’ve got to go see what this is all about.” The joy was palpable and, even more so last year with the passage of the Marriage Act. Living in Chelsea, I’m always envious when I see happy gay couples as well as happy straight couples. It’s love that counts. As far as the summer lull, I agree, but the beach beckons and you never know…..
Thanks, Chloe. It IS only love that counts. You’re also right about the the lull, but who knows? I might just be walking down the beach and trip over Mr. Right. Now wouldn’t that be something?
You, sweet Melani, make me feel ‘prideful’ everytime I enjoy one of your blog entries. This one is no exception. My youngest daughter also has the middle name of Leigh and I have ALWAYS felt that there is no better day than my children’s birthdays to make them feel extra special! I tell them that it’s ‘all about you’ today… which typically turns into the birthday week rather than a single day! My heart is full of warmth as I read and relate to your wonderful blog! Yippee for Leigh and Jacquelyn!!!
Thanks, Debbie! Love the middle name, Leigh. Love the way it looks with her first name, too. See how much we have in common? Thank you for always giving me encouragement through your comments. I am very grateful.
Excellent. It’s unfortunate that the world is so full of intolerant people and they seem to be so full of hate. The Beatles had it right. All you need is love.
How about an article about why, as you said, “the online dating scene has been so quiet these days”. I think you are at your best when you question yourself and your perspectives.
Good idea, Frances. I’ll think about doing that. Thanks!
Lovely, heartfelt post, really.What a wonderful bond you and your daughter seem to have – and how motherly of you to brave the huge crowds at the parade (I love the idea of the parade, but haven’t been able to deal with the crowds in years.)
Anyway, lately, it seems as if you’ve been musing more on the state of love/romance/relationships than on the meshugas of online dating. Are you moving your blog in a different direction? Or is it just that on-line dating has been sucking so much lately? (It has for me – if I get one more cut and paste letter or another stupid generic one line about how beautiful I am, I may just give it up altogether. I mean, don’t they even read my profile where it says NOT to do that? -And oddly, it tends to be lawyers, who ya’d think would read the fine print, who do that.)
R.J., thanks for your comment. I didn’t go to the parade this year, just the festival on Sunday. I’m not really moving the blog in a different direction but there’s been nothing happening online. My current post explains that I’ll be trying a different site when I return from vacation. It must be the summertime lull and I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one experiencing it. Thanks again.
Beautiful! I am so happy for your daughter that she has a mom that loves her for who she is. We are very proud of our son too and yes, he is gay. He and his boyfriend (who is like a son to us) will be celebrating 15 years together in August. They are both 36 years old and met in college. Unfortunately they live in AZ where there is no gay marriage.
We need more love and less hate. I was very happy when President Obama told us he thinks same sex couples should be able to get married. Let’s keep moving forward.
Thank you, Judy for sharing your story. I couldn’t agree more about the love vs. hate. I too was happy to hear that President Obama finally endorsed gay marriage. Thanks again for your comment!
There is just so much good in this piece that I almost don’t know where to start. I love the way that you so disdainfully and condescendingly describe the patently “uncool” way that Leigh’s mother, “your friend”, says the say same thing every year in the wee hours of Leigh’s birthday, “The happiest day of my life,___ years ago today……..” While you ask us for an “eye roll,” I feel more of a cringe. But when you disclose the tiny detail as to Leigh’s mother’s true identity, the obvious self-deprecation makes me feel entirely different about the interaction; suddenly, it’s heart-warming. After all, here’s the ultimate “cool mom” (i.e., you) expressing herself in a corny and dated, but ultimately honest way – unadorned with the trappings of “coolness”. The ritual of your yearly call punctuates the beautiful and elegant way you love your daughter – a feeling that reverberates throughout your piece. And speaking of beauty and elegance, how could any feeling and thinking person come away from reading your beautifully and elegantly articulated case for gay marriage and not be vehemently supportive.
Bob, thank you so much. I’m glad you continued reading through the cringe-worthy part! It’s easy to poke fun at myself. There’s a plethora of material.
So very touching, Mel. Your daughter is just as fortunate to have you as her mom as you are to have her as your daughter. Love is really all it is about not who you love, but that you do love.
Thanks, Ellie!
I went to High School with Leigh in Switzerland and I love this piece and her! I love the blog and started following it because I saw her post something from here, and have since been addicted. Please keep it up, I think that everything that you say and discuss are all such valid points and perspectives and many more people in this world could stand to read them and take notes. I am very excited to see Leigh in Vermont soon.
Thank you, Hailey! “Leigh” is very lucky to have you for a friend and I am equally fortunate to have your support of my writing. Thank you so much!