Normal: Not Code for Boring
My second date with Mr. Normal or MN (as I’ll call him) was something I was excited to experience. He suggested we meet for dinner and then take it from there.
He initially chose Ward III in TriBeCa but I arrived a few minutes early and it was insanely crowded. “No problem,” he said, calmly. He had somewhere else we could go.
We walked to The Odeon and I had a chance to check him out. He had style and I loved his casual, yet sophisticated clothes. He also had a seriously hot body.
Dinner at The Odeon was great. I ordered the salmon and heirloom tomato salad. MN had steak. The bartender made fresh lemonade for my summer cocktail of choice—vodka, soda, and a generous splash. The conversation was easy. MN was charming, funny and very, very interesting. He’s had a big life. If I were to tell you what he did for a living it would probably be easy to identify him with a quick Google search–I’d never do that, but it’s impressive. He’s also deep. He took the time to figure out the things about himself that needed changing, and then actually did it.
I went to the ladies room and he stood as I left the table. As I returned he stood again.
I wish more men understood what a turn on it is when they have manners.
After dinner he suggested we head to a bar called the Raccoon Lodge. Walking towards the place he gave me his arm as we strolled.
I love a good dive bar and this one was the perfect amount of gritty. MN asked if I would like to shoot a game of pool. I haven’t played since college and even then I was horrible, but it was fun and he didn’t make me feel like an idiot. He lined up the shots for me so it would be almost impossible to miss—I missed many.
On separate occasions two drunken guys tried to get in on our game. One, I swear, was attempting to hit on me, as only the delusional by intoxication would. It made me nervous, but MN calmly and quietly handled the situation. I have no idea what he told each of them in a low voice, but they skulked off.
He was swagger-licious.
We had lots of fun playing pool. He made me laugh—told me he was enjoying the view as I leaned across the table, my backside prominent.
We transitioned from pool to Ms. Pac-Man. Oh yeah, now we’re talking.
That’s right, I rocked it.
Hold your quarters, bitches! You’ll be waiting a long time.
I forgot how fun it was and if my apartment were bigger I’d be tempted to have my own game. (I’m actually looking around as I type this trying to figure it out).
Eventually, MN drove me home (he lives in Weehawken–but I’m widening my options) and we decided we would like to see each other again. It was a great date. The best I’ve been on–by a mile–since starting the blog.
I sent him a text that night:
I had such a good time tonight. Thanks for that.
He responded:
You give good second date, Melani
I bet you’re thinking I should pull my profile off the dating site and roll around in the joy of meeting this amazing guy, right?
Seems like the appropriate action, but I haven’t told you one important detail.
After our first date, MN told me he was actually ten years older than his profile stated. He’s not fifty-three, but sixty-three years old.
He said he’s always dated younger women because he doesn’t look or act his age. I had to agree with him. I would’ve never guessed. He also said that I wouldn’t have given him a second look if he had his true age on his profile.
He was absolutely right.
It’s strange because I’m not bothered by the lie. I’ve now been on two dates with him and he’s truly decent. He’s told me things about himself that are very revealing—he’s an honest man. But as you know if you’ve been following this blog, I want to be with someone my own age. Perhaps this is irrational but after what I’ve been through I want to narrow my chances of being the one left behind, again. I also want my aging process to be in sync with the person I’m with.
BUT, in reality, nothing is guaranteed. Death happens when it happens and age isn’t always the determining factor. MN isn’t in the age range I hoped for, but he has so many other attributes that I want, I’ve decided to let it ride. Take it one great meeting at a time. Continue to date others, but see where this goes. I’m having lots of fun.
Fun can never be a bad thing.
“It’s the game of life. Do I win or do I lose? One day they’re gonna shut the game down. I gotta have as much fun and go around the board as many times as I can before it’s my turn to leave.” Tupac Shakur
I’m glad to hear that widening your search seems to have helped. You sound like you’re having fun now, and that’s very nice to see.
True, Stan. I’m stretching all those “requirements” that brought me such great luck in the past
. Thanks for the comment.
Not to get all spiritual on you, but maybe this was someone’s way of showing you not to give up on finding a normal guy that you are attracted to. If MN didn’t come into your life, you wouldn’t have believed otherwise. Its a sucky way to be reminded of that, but maybe this was a lesson for you to still keep your eye on the prize. After 7 months of online dating, the prize was probably starting to fade away. MN’s role was to bring it to light again. It should restore your faith that there are good, normal, attractive guys amongst the not so normal.
Hang in there and keep trying. You will get your prize in the end.
Thank you, John. I really enjoyed your comment. You could be right and I appreciate your words of encouragement as well as your perspective.
I agree with you, 63 is definitely not 53, but I think you should do your best to put that aside for now. From the way you describe it, you and MN have chemistry and he seems like a great guy (with manners!). Hope there’s a date 3!
Thank you, Krista! Those manners are hard to beat.
I’m not a fan of the big Age Lie, especially by so many years.
But.
If someone hands me a gift on my birthday and it’s wrapped in Christmas paper, I’m not going to hand it back unopened because the packaging doesn’t suit. The gift inside could be exactly what I’ve always wanted. Age is kind of like gift wrap. It might not be what you expected, but it doesn’t mean the gift isn’t fantastic.
MN sounds great. Who knows if he’ll be great for the long term? But maybe great for right now is fantastic enough.
Lori, love, love the Christmas paper analogy. Quite an enlightened way to look at all kinds of things. Right now is good enough for me. Thank you for your comment. I also agree on your feelings about manners–swoon-worthy, for sure.
Oh, and that whole manners thing? Swoon! Huge turn on.
Girlie, you may have found someone worth a few more dates…if I were there, I’d slap you in the head and say YES! MEL……SEE HIM AGAIN!!!!
Vicki, I know you would. I’m flinching the next time you visit NYC. Thanks for the comment!
Mel, I look forward to hearing how he sweeps you off your feet on your next date.. I look forward to our next NYC visit. Take care.
No kiss yet after date #2? MN sounds pretty dreamy, but the jury is still out…..
Find out Melani! If it doesn’t work out in the long run, I guarantee you there will be something good to glean from the experience.
“You give good second date, Melani” — I freaking LOVE IT!!!
Thanks, Debbie. I thought his text was great, too.
Normal men are indeed out there. But as you said the age difference leaves something to think about. The wobbly bits are definitely not in the same age bracket with a more than ten year difference.
Most importantly what matters is your happiness. If MN pushes all your buttons and gets the job done right what’s a few years?
True, Scott, but in this case he’s doing far less wobbling than me. BUT, it’s those darn innards that worry me in the long term. I’ll just go with it for now and see where it takes me. Thanks for your comment!
Yay for a great second date! I , too, loved his response on giving great second date!
The little white lie did raise my eyebrow as well, and funny how, if in another package, you / I would have closed that deal out right away. But so many other lovely attributes I would have to agree on letting it ride !
As I logged onto your site, I wondered in my head how your date went….. loving your blog!
Good luck!
Kim
Kim, thank you so much! Thrilled you’re enjoying the blog. I agree, the age lie is an eyebrow raiser but he’s right. I would’ve closed the door right away had I known and missed all this fun!
A) I love the Tupac quote; B) It sounds like this guy has the spontaneity, fun, and youthful essence that I’ve inferred you’re looking for through your previous blog posts! Right on!; C) It’s not ideal that he concealed his age on his profile or that he is out of the age range you’re looking for, but at least he disclosed it early on and if he has a bangin’ body like you suggested, he’s likely in good health? Maybe?
Mary,
A-Me too!
B-He is so much fun and a thoroughly youthful essence.
C-Bangin’ body is right. He works out 6 or 7 days a week. Puts me to shame in that area, for sure.
D-Thanks for your positive outlook!
Hey Melani…kudos to you for your attitude about the age thing…hopefully that medium-sized fib doesn’t become an issue. Personally, I can see stretching the truth by 5 years or so but a decade is a bit deceptive…if the rest of the package is good…manners, class, healthy lifestyle then have your fun…after all that is what it is all about! Give him the chance to revel in your awesomeness and let time do its thing…btw, your fishnets are great! Good wardrobe choice for the date…..!
Dana
I agree, Dana. A decade is approaching a Super Size fib. If you saw him you wouldn’t believe he’s 63. “Give him the chance to revel in your awesomeness and let time do its thing.” Thank you so much for that; if you were here I would want to hug you for your sweetness. Yeah, I rocked those fishnets! Do you think thigh high boots and short shorts would be appropriate for a third date?
Very excited to hear about this date:) I’m inspired by your flexibilty with some of your guidelines… I too am online dating and have been considering increasing the age of the men I meet. You have given me something to think about;)
I’m glad I’ve inspired you, Liz. You never know what you might miss with the strict guidelines, that’s for sure. Thanks for your comment!
I think the quote you chose by Tupac speaks magnitudes. Nothing wrong with living in the moment and enjoying the good stuff that comes our way.
So true, Kellie.
Melani, I’m with you on the age concern. I’ve had older men approach and after going through death of a loved one and the sorrow that follows at the age of 50, I don’t want to do that again anytime soon. I’m so with you on that. Maybe you could enjoy him for company for a while?
Rosie
Yep, Rosie, you do understand. One date at a time–that’s my motto these days. Thanks!
I do believe YOU were the one that most inspired me to marry a man 9 years my senior. It was great advice. The senior years are approaching and I think your reasons for being cautious are valid, however. I’m the weak one in our relationship, so JIm will probably be taking care of ME! You didn’t mention his 63 year old ears. After teaching school and learning that our ears continue to grow our whole lives–men’s especially, I’m always checking out older guys ears
Louise, how funny is that? I was giving advice at 19 years old–so worldly at that stage
. I think I was simply encouraging you to marry him because I knew he’d be heading to Reno with a bunch of those farm boys from Kansas. They could do a mean polka–that’s for sure! I love the ear information and I will definitely check those babies out right away. Thanks for the laugh!
This sounds like the guy except for his age? Maybe judging a bottle of great tasting Wine, or Champaign by its age is wrong? I don’t know. By reading about your Love One Neil, his age most likely made him better too. Enough to have all the right things to say, and do to get an Angel like you to fall in love. Ummm, just thinking about age. Some people get better with time, but not all.
Could be right, Noel.
That is my pet peeve. If more men where willing to date women closer to their age, there would not be this ridiculous disparity in the dating “market.” While I don’t rule out that an older guy could be a match, #1 He lied about his age by *ten* years. I prefer to be with someone within 5 years .#2 I don’t want to be with an older man who is retired and has a plethora of health problems. Not to mention, so many of these guys just look OLD.
Sigh. Somewhere out there is a guy in his early to mid 50s who is in decent shape and actually is not looking for younger arm candy. Until then, I will be much happier alone.
I’m with you, Margaret. I’m waiting to meet someone closer to my age. If he comes along–great. If not, I don’t mind being alone. It doesn’t worry me as it did when I was in my twenties or thirties. Thank you for taking the time to comment.