Today I canceled my subscription to Match.com. I’ve kept the website I was on a secret until now but that’s where I’ve been for the bulk of this year. I’ve also joined OkCupid, OurTime, eHarmony, and HowAboutWe, but Match was my favorite. With the goddamn fiascoes I’ve experienced that’s not much of an endorsement but I’ve written fewer posts this year about men on Match than the others.
I’ve struggled to write this final piece. I’ve had many friends ask if I’ve written the last blog post and they usually follow with something like, “I’m sure it will be great.”
That’s a lot of flippin’ pressure and I put enough on myself. Now my pals will feel like crap. I’m happy about that.
I’ve stopped and started this so many times. I have eight different versions saved on my computer and it has to be because this feels a bit like a death, this ending.
Not because I’ll miss online dating.
Not a chance.
My angst comes from ending something that has been my primary focus for a year. I’m a creature of habit and not a fan of change. Honestly, in the future if someone mentions that a celebrity has been dead for a while and I had no clue, I’ll say, “They died in 2012, right?”
I know, all this focus on a silly blog that hasn’t earned me a penny. But you have no idea how much this has meant to me. What started as simply creating something that I was looking for (and couldn’t find) has transitioned into this amazing thing that’s changed my life. Conventional wisdom would say that I’m crazy to end it now with the success it has been–that I should go on for another year. Make it TWO years of online dating at 50. Hmm, I don’t think so because even though I’m sad, there’s no doubt it is time to move on. Seriously, I’m sick of online dating and I’m tired of being such a bitch. It just seems that there’s an unending supply of idiots, but correcting their mistakes or teaching them a lesson was never the goal to begin with.
I can say with outright clarity that I’ll never be online again. Instead I’ll be kicking it old school. I’ll meander through life and if I run into Mr. Perfect For Me in some random setting (like an airport bar) and I’m without shapewear or mascara, oh well.
Last week I received this email message:
Hi how are you? I see you lived in Russia. That must have been exciting!
Here’s my reply:
We actually went on a date about a year ago–a quick one. You spent most of the time trying to put batteries in some sort of charger you had just purchased.
You had no interest in me and I never heard from you again. I had just signed up for this site.
I made a commitment to try online dating for one year. That is up in a week or so and I’ll be off this site. Kind of ironic that you would be contacting me again now since you were my first online date–it might even be funny.
And he replied:
I apologize if that was me but I am not sure it was. I do not remember meeting and a year ago I was seeing someone. Could it be that you have me mixed up with someone else?
And I clarified:
I don’t think I’m mistaken about you, but perhaps I’ve got the timing wrong. I was on Match originally for a couple of weeks, got disgusted and removed my profile. A few months later (with some encouragement from friends) I signed back up and committed to a year. Maybe we went out in that first two-week time frame which was about 4 months earlier than the year.
Here’s what I remember–you decide. You selected Le Pain Quotidien near a park (can’t remember which one, darn it) and we got a drink and sat in the park. You told me that you worked for [redacted] in some capacity, but I can’t remember your position. You had just purchased some sort of charger from a pharmacy in the neighborhood and you struggled to get it open and working. The bulk of our date was spent with you fumbling with your purchase and after a while of rather stilted conversation, I ended the date. I sent you a text thanking you and you responded with something that was polite but essentially had a “take care” sort of feel.
I am sure it was you, but if you have a doppelganger and I dated him, let me know.
There’s nothing that screams, “Stop the madness!” quite like being forgettable. How crazy is it that my final online contact is with my first date? How hysterical is it that he didn’t even remember we went out? Well, it would be
if someone were telling me the story, but I do admit that I constructed a couple of snotty responses each beginning with, “Dear Lurch,” (yep, he was super tall and rather odd looking in person). But, in the end I decided to take the high road. After all, he wasn’t intentionally telling me I was unmemorable.
AND at least we didn’t have sex—didn’t even kiss on the cheek.
Whew, imagine if he’d forgotten that? Fetal position with the accompanying rocking would be the most I could muster if that were the case.
So, what now?
Here’s what I’ve decided. I’m going to continue to write/blog about the things that interest me: 50+ dating, being single in New York City and searching for true love. I’ll be doing just that on the website www.melanirobinson.com where I’m gloriously free and no longer limited to online dating experiences. I’ve also decided to do some vlogging. I have my first amateur video in the can (don’t be pervy) in preparation for the appearance on The Steve Harvey Show that hasn’t aired yet, damn it. It will eventually and I’m ready for anyone new who might visit www.1yearofonlinedatingat50.
Before I get all forward motion-ish, I want to thank all of you for following this quest. Those who’ve been here from the beginning—family and friends (forced to read it), as well as those who discovered the blog a bit later. I’ve loved all of your comments and email messages. As I’ve answered, I hope I’ve clearly expressed how grateful I am that you would take the time to write. This may sound ridiculous but I’m attached to all of you. You feel like dear friends after this time together. I’ve felt you rooting for me, scolding, shaking your head, smiling, laughing and occasionally crying.
Mostly, I’ve felt your support and that means the world to me.
I’m going to take a couple of weeks off before starting the new blog. If you would like to sign up for updates then you’ll know when I’m back. I promise to do my best to keep you returning for more. Now that the blog won:
it’s my goal to win again in 2013–such a competitive pain in the ass.
Thank you, again.
With gratitude, love and a wad of soggy tissue,