I returned from my vacation to an Inbox with an impressive amount of messages. I’ve not been too popular lately so I was surprised at the surge. I deleted many, saved a few that were lame enough to be future blog-worthy and answered four that were interesting.

One was downright riveting:

Good Day,

I’m a fairly easy going male from Manhattan. Introspective, but still able to enjoy the silly things in life. I enjoy nature, Central Park in the summer, tasty food and good company.

Seeking someone intelligent and willing to explore the city and more. I have no particular agenda except to meet someone nice and hopefully make a friend that has the potential for a relationship.

And in private, you are open to exploring together, maybe you are in control all day and desire to give over control. Certainly not all the time but just seek just someone open to exploring our normal interests and private desires once comfortable.

If this strikes a chord love to hear from you.

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Loved the “Good Day” (quite refined). And before I could say, “tie me up and spank my bottom,” I responded:

Dear Mr. Grey,

Out of curiosity, is this a Fifty Shades prompted fantasy, or something you’ve always been partial to?

Also, rather hard to see what you look like with the hockey photo. As appealing as it is to see a man who can still do that sort of thing, a photo of your face would be nice.

Best,

Melanie

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Christian’s only photo was in full hockey gear—including a mask. Not exactly unappealing but I did want to see what he looked like.

Hi Melanie,

I can certainly share some regular photos -

not a fifty shades of grey item, been curious for a while

and not something that is a must but might be fun to explore the

dynamic. Sort of hard to bring into the equation later on.

Thoughts?

Christian

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My response:

Christian,

Hmm, I appreciate your honesty. I’m not sure how I feel since it isn’t something I’ve ever done. Frankly, I’ve been trying to muscle through the book–a difficult task. The writing is pretty bad, but what keeps me trying is Mr. Grey. The author does an excellent job of making him irresistible.

Perhaps we could start with a photo or two and go from there? Next, maybe a cocktail, coffee or simply a phone conversation? I’ll certainly try to keep an open mind to future exploration of the dynamic if the chemistry is there.

You can send the photos to: [redacted email address], if you are so inclined.

Melanie

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I don’t know if I would be willing to explore the dynamic but it was intriguing. My first husband loved to say I only read trashy novels to escape the mundane life I was leading. Wonder if it ever resonated that my humdrum world might’ve had something to do with our marriage?

I’m still fighting to get through Fifty Shades of Grey and it is ONLY to find out why Christian is “fifty shades of fucked up.” The writing has me cringing and it’s not a good sign when I’m editing a book while I’m reading. I never like to publically criticize any author and normally I’d just toss it. BUT, there is no doubt that E L James has done a brilliant job of creating a character (Christian Grey) so intriguing that I continue to struggle through each annoying “Oh my” from the ever-irritating Anastasia Steele, just to learn more about him.

As I’ve mentioned before, I did attend a class on bondage at Babeland—an adult toy store in SoHo. And they did give gift bags to journalists.

I still have mine.

Here are the items that were in the goodie bag:

Satin bondage kit—ties and blindfold:

Spank Me Baby, spanking powder:

The ties and blindfold were easy to figure out, but the spanking powder had me stumped.

Here’s how it’s described on the Babeland website:

Smooth your lover’s skin to set the scene before a spanking, or soothe it tenderly afterward with edible Spank Me Baby powder. This sweet, edible powder forms a light dust over the skin, making it perfect for licking off the body; try powdering yourself after a shower, and let your lover have a taste anywhere they like. Best of all, Spank Me Baby is made with natural, non-toxic cornstarch. Perfect for spanking aficionados and newbies alike; makes a great bachelorette or party gift, too!

Um, it sounds messy.

I’m all about having fun in the bedroom, but I’m also practical. I’d be the one with the vacuum cleaner and the red caboose.

See what happens when you get old?

So I waited and frequently checked my Inbox. I admit I was fantasizing about a gorgeous man with “unruly dark copper-colored hair and intense gray eyes.”

OK, an age-appropiate version of that guy.

Finally the photo arrived.

I guess anything short of Mr. Grey-perfection would be disappointing and this guy was kind of geeky—skinny to boot.

Not in a hot professorial bookworm-ish Dr. Jones sort of way:

Christian was more Revenge of the Nerds.  

Sadly, the fantasy was over. If a guy is going turn me over his knee, I don’t want to worry about breaking it. I don’t want to outweigh the man (he was 5’7”) who’s supposed to be able to pick me up. This guy might slip a disc or have a hernia rupture if he swept up all 135 lbs. of me. I also want to believe he means business. Christian looked timid and a little awkward in the photo. I don’t want to be the cheering section of, “Really teach me a lesson!”

If I’m going to even consider it I want to imagine a take-charge man orchestrating the scenario. With this Christian, I might’ve had to wear the leather and hold the crop and that is something I know I will never be interested in exploring.

“I don’t know whether to worship at your feet or spank the living shit out of you.” E L James (Christian Grey)